being okay with where i am

i haven’t really talked about this, but i decided to not go to college this year. i graduated high school in may of this year, and although i was planning on going to college in the fall, i decided not to.

i don’t really have a big reason, i honestly just didn’t feel ready, was worried that it would go online again bc of the pandemic, and i thought i needed just a breather from school to get excited to learn again.

but it has honestly been really hard. which i didn’t expect.

I felt like i wasn’t doing enough. that because i was taking a gap year i should be doing SOMETHING. i should be traveling, or doing a really cool internship, or pursuing something exciting. but i’m not. but i’m realizing that’s okay.

i was actually talking to my brother-in-law about it, and he told me he gets it. he noticed that i’ve always been used to working hard in school, being productive, being disciplined, and being very focused and successful in that part of my life. and now because i dont have that, i felt guilty and even bad about myself for not doing something.

and he told me: its okay.

its okay to not be doing something extraordinary. its okay to take a break. its okay for life to be simple. its okay for my life to be a little “boring” right now. but i should take advantage of this break, and focus on the simple things. focus on just taking care of myself, exercising and eating well, saving up and working, little simple things that may seem boring, but that’s honestly okay.

moral of all of this: don’t be so hard on yourself and remember to be PRESENT with where you are. and enjoy where you are at. even if you’re not where you want to be, find a way to be okay with where you are at. life is always changing and things are only temporary, so appreciate and enjoy where you are right now.